What the Elf?

Picture this: Sicily….

Er, that’s The Golden Girls. Scratch that….

Picture this: The Lair, Christmas Eve 2012. Garland hangs from the chandeliers, massive bunches of mistletoe hover over every conceivable doorway or route taken by the cabana boys. Trees of every shape and size, decorations and tinsel are tucked into niches and beside the multiple fireplaces. The smell of gingerbread wafts through the air from the direction of the 24/7 kitchen. Outside, flights of delivery reindeer launch from the rooftops click, click, click with  old St. Nick. The secret is out….The Lair is Christmas central for the jolly old elf! Let’s take a peek:

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree….    

“Aghhhh! It’s just not adding up!”

“What’s the prob, Penny Icing?”

Penny Icing, Bandit Donna’s personal elf, snaps her head up from the calculator in front of her. “There aren’t enough!”

Craisin, Caren’s own sidekick hits the iPod Grandma got run over by a reindeer. “Enough what?”

Penny keeps time with her foot. “Presents.”

“What do ya mean?” Tricksie Treeleaf looks around the Lair, stacked from floor to ceiling with packages of every size and shape, paper and bows, stockings and exhausted cabana boys rocking those UPS uniforms, “We’ve got plenty. My own Nancy made sure of it.”

Penny’s expression sobers. “Not for the Bandits.”


Dead. Silence.

“Wha…wha…wha..do you mean?” Craisin’s voice is tinged with  hysteria. “There HAVE to be! Each Bandit’s personal elf is here! In charge of their gifts!”

“I’ve got my Bandit covered,” pipes up Jo Jo Kittel. “Joanie T’s Christmas even came a bit early. Release of her first independent historical romance THE PATRICIAN. Lots of lovin’ for it too and she’s working hard to get the second one out.” Jo Jo sniffs, “When the big guy delivers all those Kindles and Nooks tonight, there will be compulsion magic in each one to download it. I take care of my girl.”

“Well I do too,” Dingy Angel-Pants adds, “Christie’s BEWITCHING THE DUKE has been getting rave reviews and Anna’s Fo Fo Bo Bo gave her Bandit a boost with THE WINTER WIFE. Great Christmas novella. #10 on the Kindle lists.”

“Caren’s got a new tree topper.” Craisin tucks a stray orange curl behind her ear. “She’s got her younglings taken care of and we’re firing up for some fantastic writing. It’s all here…in this box of Godiva.”

“What’s going on?” Kate’s Twinkie BigBottom skips into the fray carrying a tray of her namesake cakes. Emergarde inches closer. Twinks eyes narrow. “Back off lizard, these are worth $200,000 on the black market.”

“Penny says there aren’t enough Bandit presents.”

“Well that’s just silly.” Suz’s pal Hottie Chockie pipes. “Have you seen the Bailey’s?” With a wary eye, Craisin hands Hottie the 2 galleon bottle. “Kate’s going gangbusters with her Bibilophile series and my Suzie….man, she took epub by storm with KIDNAPPED, HUNTED and now CLOSE TO HOME. My girl has lots under her hic tree this year.”

Penny kicks the iPod sending TransSiberia Orchestra bouncing off the walls. “I’m telling you we’re short some presents.”

“It’s not presents you’re short of, mortals.”

As one, the elves look up into the rafters. 

“Hmmm,” murmurs Jo Jo Kittel, “Sangria really rocks that fur lined, tinseled look. “

The Goddess preens. “A situation easily remedied.  There are 17 of those rowdy Bandits, are there not? Demetrius…” Sangria gestures to a disgruntled gladiator decked out in icicle lights. “there are enough fairies.”

Craisin rolls her eyes “Elves.”


“Ok, ok…fairies. Sheesh.”

Penny’s mouth forms a perfect O as she turns to look at the BB’s “She’s right. We DO have help. What about it BB’s? Can you help us gather the gifts for the Bandits? It’s Christmas Eve and we have 24 hours. Tell us what you would get for each Bandit and if their elf was not mentioned, what would their name be?

One lucky visitor will receive a  rooster coffee mug/ saucer and 1/2 lb of Starbuck’s coffee just for helping Santa’s elves!

 Dig your way out of the wrapping paper tomorrow for a HUGE Christmas Day blow out! THE Christmas giveaway will put a crick in Santa’s bag!





  • Anna Sugden says:

    *peeking head round door* Just wanted to check all was well in the present wrapping department.

    (elves shoo me out of the door) Oh well, better get a glass of festive cheer and settle into a cozy chair by the Lair’s fireplace. I know I have a fabulous present under the tree *G*

    *eyes rooster* And you’d better behave or you’ll be roasted instead of just pickled this year!

  • Minna says:

    Chocolate, of course!

  • Barb says:

    well we have less than an hour before it is Christmas Day…but I will wait til I wake up before I open any presents lol

    I think I will give them all a book voucher for their favourite book and choccies

  • Helen says:

    What a great post

    It is 11-00pm Christmas Eve here in Sydney as I type I have just had Barb and her hubby up for drinks and nibblies while we watched the Carols By Candlight and yes I have had 2 glasses of Moscato very nice by the way and now I have to think LOL

    For Christmas pressies for all of the Bandits I would love to give heaps of sales of their books and everyone to be published and chocies of course some nice Lindt ones and yes how about a bottle of Moscato to go with it.

    Some Elf names

    Tootsie McJingles
    Gingerbread Sparkly -Toes
    Cookie Angle-Pants
    Sqeezy Super-Plum
    Evergreen Pickle-Pants

    Have a merry Christmas Everyone
    Have Fun

  • Amy Conley says:

    Summer Snowflake, Anna’s own personal elf her to assure everyone she’s all set for Christmas day with plenty of oj and champers for all the drinks she needs all day. She will also have her garden blooming just for her enjoyment.

  • May says:

    I think everyone needs lots of cookies, drinks, chocolates and lots of great book sales! 🙂 And calories don’t count on x’mas. 🙂

  • Margay says:

    I am an avid knitter, so I would make something for everyone – hats, scarves, you name it, I knit it!

  • Kaelee says:

    Merry Christmas!

    I like to give all the Bandits
    some books and time to read them
    and inspiration and time to write more books.

    It’s going to be busy today getting things organized and I could use an elf ~ oops fairy.

    Tawny needs one perhaps called Blazing Beauty and Beth needs one perhaps called Superlicious.

    • Kaelee says:

      Sorry I haven’t time to play anymore I know I missed some authors who have not had a named elf but I still have to come up with ideas for some stocking stuffers and my brain needs to work on that problem. Nothing like deciding to do something at the last minute when we walked into the store and saw all the Christmas cookies and chocolates on at half price. Trouble is that not all 25 people want cholates or cookies.

    • Joan Kayse says:


      Time, what a wonderful gift! I’m trying to find writing time today between putting hats on cats and stemming blood flow to wrapping presents and celebrating with my brother…who is due here any second!

    • Kaelee, books, time, and inspiration sound wonderful! It’s the time that feels shortest just now, at least for me.

  • Deb says:

    Well, chocolate has already been mentioned as has been lots of book sales. Sven is always available for massages. Wine is never in shortage. Hmmmm, I think I would gift each Bandita basic love, joy, and blessings throughout the next year.

    Elf names, haha, nothing funnier that the FB page where you choose from first name and month. My husband’s was Puddin’ Monkey-buns. But, for one of the Banditas, I’ll change that to Iced Cinnamon Buns. Wait, sounds a little too sexy for an elf…..

  • Joanie, what a fun post! I had no idea the elves were so busy this year.

    I’ll be blogging tomorrow, so I hope they’ll stick around and help the cabana boys out.

  • deelynn says:

    Merry Christmas to all….just popped in to send my greeting….too busy until the 26th…the excitement has me bubbling over! Grandkids are due soon and I believe I’m looking forward to it as much as (if not more than) they are.

  • Ha ha! Love all the elves! A good elf to you all! What fun we’ve had in the lair this year. Oh, no, I”m getting nostalgic. Paolo (and elf!), get me a margarita quickly and please do that shake-shake thing that Kate and I like so much. It always makes us smile – especially when the loin cloth isn’t quite secure! Happy Christmas to all my lovely Bandita sisters and Bandita Buddies – the day has dawned (well, it’s after midnight so perhaps dawned is the wrong word) in Australia. Santa is on his way! xxx

    • Oh wait, Paolo! I could use a little more of your shaking. That’s it, mm-hmm, just a little more? Pleeeze? Hee hee hee

    • Joan Kayse says:

      Merry Christmas to you too Anna!!!

      Santa actually snuck back here to KY. He’s already been to my house! Brought me a Blu Ray player, beautiful sweater, DVD’s out the wazoo…a new wazoo :0 and giftie cards..

      • Ooh, lovely, JT. I’ve just unwrapped my presents – lots of chocolate which I’m calling survival supplies. Got revisions hitting me any day now – a bit of chocolate really helps!

  • diane says:

    Bruschetta, tiramisu, and eggnog. Books and a spa treatment. Best wishes. Much success and happiness.

  • Sandyg265 says:

    Chocolate, cookies and lots of books.

    • Joan Kayse says:

      Hmmmm…cookies. I’ve got some type of brownie rounds I bought from a school kid…think I’ll bake me up a batch and look at my ornament free Xmas tree and snuggle with my kitties that is if I don’t zzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • ellie says:

    Definitely a wonderful day filled with happiness and family fun. Treats, goodies and lots of hugs and kisses.

    • Joan Kayse says:

      Been a great one for me thus far. Counting your blessings seems especially appropriate for this Christmas.

      Jo Jo….a little more Moscato here…..

  • Pat Cochran says:

    Strawberries and Champagne!

    Separately or together, they make for a
    super presentation. Merry Christmas to
    all Banditas and BBs, and the Rooster, too!

    Angel Silver-Wings
    Leila Ever-Glow
    Bella Glissande
    Flaky Evergreen
    Snowy Holiday

    As you can tell I’m not really awake enough to
    be selecting names for anyone!!!

    Pat C.

  • Anne says:

    Brownies, layered cake and fruit tarts. Enjoy the holiday with all.

  • Wonderful post, Joanie! Who knew our elves could be so helpful and industrious? The Lair is a great, mysterious world, isn’t it? I love it here!

    Now where is Paolo with my Merry Margarita? I hope Twinkie didn’t waylay him.

  • catslady says:

    How about a nice vacation with your own personal cabana boy elf that will answer to anything you want to call him and will do anything you will command of him 🙂

  • Helen says:

    Merry Christmas to All

    It is Christmas Day here in Australia and Santa has been whoo hoo although still early I am looking forward to the Grandkids arriving to more pressies and lots of fun

    Ho Ho HO

    Have Fun

  • Maureen says:

    I would get each one of you a bubble bath and an hour of free time. Merry Christmas!

  • Caren Crane says:

    Oooh, what luxuries people have thought of for Christmas! I hope Craisin takes note, because I could use those. 🙂

  • (knock, knock, knock) Penny?
    (knock, knock, knock) Penny?
    (knock, knock, knock) Penny?

    You silly elf-airy – get your nose off that calculator. When the banditas are together there’s always plenty of gifts because the gift of friendship is the best gift of all. Let’s face it – we have that in abundance.

    Merry Christmas to all the banditas and bandita buddies…oh…and to the GR, who just jabbed my foot so I wouldn’t forget him.

  • pearl says:

    Applesauce, with cinnamon, cakes with yummy icing and shortbread cookies. Sounds delightful. Happy holidays, happy new year and a healthy successful new year.

  • Lianne says:

    Merry Christmas to you all …
    a great gift for you all would be time with your families!

    • Joan Kayse says:


      That is a wonderful gift. I’ve reflected on that, not only the blessing of being with my brother, a good and honorable man, but with my “adopted families who love me and make me feel as if I “belong”.

      Sniff…I’m getting all maudlin…JoJo..more Moscato! What?! What?! There isn’t anymore? Kate and Suz’s el-airies took it? Where are those snowballs?!

  • Coming out of me cave/bedroom,,,dressed in my scrubs with nursing bag in hand…yawning and stretching.

    Hottie Chockie! Where’s my hot chocolate!

    You know I have to stay up tonight birthing babies and it’s going to be cold, even here in Texas. I sure hope we have rooms and no Wise Men show up…unless of course it’s Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig and Jeremy Renner popping in!

    Hottie Chockie!!

    SO…MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! May it be a blessed night and day! And may 2013 be a joyous one for all of the Banditas and our buddies!!

    • Joan Kayse says:

      Psst…Suz….bring back the Moscato and I’ll back away with the snowball.

      What? Oh, ok caramel vodka will do in a pinch

      Have a wonderful, calm and beautiful night at the “inn”

  • Jane says:

    I’ll get life size cutouts our favorite actors(Eric Bana, Chris Hemsworth, Richard Armitage, Andy Whitfield and Daniel Craig) so that we can gaze at them when we need a little inspiration.

  • LilMissMolly says:

    I held 3 parties this year. Yesterday’s was the last. Thanks goodness I’m done! Merry Christmas everyone!

  • Mary Preston says:

    I’m thinking if I keep the drinks flowing no one would even notice that I bear no gifts or could think of no suitable Elf names.


  • Pissenlit says:

    How about Tim Tams(I recently tried the Double Coat variety!…*DROOL*) for all and I pick up the tab at the pub? 😀

    Let’s see, elf names…Legolas…
    What? Wrong kind of elves? He is pretty, though…

    • Joan Kayse says:

      Ooooo..he is pretty…and so …grrrrr. …sexy with his bow….

      Weapon people!!!

      Tim Tams, HOW could I have forgotten them? I’ll take one hundred dozen please.

  • Mariska says:

    it’s officially December 25th here, today 😀

    okay, lots and i mean lots of Chocolate lava cakes and some popcorn to watch some christmas movies ?

  • Diane Sallans says:

    I got just about everything wrapped by the 23rd, mad a quick run to the grocery this morning & hid a bunch of stuff in the extra bedroom cause company came for Christmas Eve. We decided to just do snacks this year rather than a sit down dinner. That worked out well. It’s snowing here in New Jersey so we’ll have a White Christmas (but hopefully not to much accumulation cause I have to drive in the morning).
    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight (I’m tired & have to be up and moving early).

  • Joan Kayse says:

    Merry Christmas to you, Diane! We’re expecting a white Dec 26th :0 I’m hoping to get off that day….

    Wrapping up the evening myself (pun intended) From all the Bandits, from our Lair to yours have a WONDERFUL Christmas!

  • Dianna aka Hrdwrkdmom says:

    We just need to give the Banditas lots and lots of love and always our support.

    As for the other elves
    Jeanne=Boom Boom Betty
    Beth=Fae Littletown
    Christina=Phillipa Phaeton
    Trish=Tess Trueheart
    Cassondra=Dyna Mite
    Jo=Apple A. Day
    Susan S=Dollar A. Day (twin to Apple A. Day)
    Anna S=Puckster Icy
    Tawny=Leonia Hotters

  • Fedora says:

    Ah, hugs and blessings to all you Banditas! Wishing you a joyful time celebrating with family and friends, and both the inspirations and time to work on them in the coming year for many best-sellers to come!

  • Cathy P says:

    I think you all need an entire day off and get a massage, manicure, and pedicures.

  • Kim says:

    I finished wrapping right before I was to leave for Christmas Eve dinner.