 What the Elf? Posted by Joan Kayse Dec 24 2012, 12:36 am Picture this: Sicily…. Er, that’s The Golden Girls. Scratch that…. Picture this: The Lair, Christmas Eve 2012. Garland hangs from the chandeliers, massive bunches of mistletoe hover over every conceivable doorway or route taken by the cabana boys. Trees of every shape and size, decorations and tinsel are tucked into niches and beside the multiple fireplaces. The smell of gingerbread wafts through the air from the direction of the 24/7 kitchen. Outside, flights of delivery reindeer launch from the rooftops click, click, click with old St. Nick. The secret is out….The Lair is Christmas central for the jolly old elf! Let’s take a peek: Rockin‘ Around the Christmas Tree…. “Aghhhh! It’s just not adding up!” “What’s the prob, Penny Icing?” Penny Icing, Bandit Donna’s personal elf, snaps her head up from the calculator in front of her. “There aren’t enough!” Craisin, Caren’s own sidekick hits the iPod Grandma got run over by a reindeer. “Enough what?” Penny keeps time with her foot. “Presents.” “What do ya mean?” Tricksie Treeleaf looks around the Lair, stacked from floor to ceiling with packages of every size and shape, paper and bows, stockings and exhausted cabana boys rocking those UPS uniforms, “We’ve got plenty. My own Nancy made sure of it.” Penny’s expression sobers. “Not for the Bandits.” Screeech Dead. Silence. “Wha…wha…wha..do you mean?” Craisin’s voice is tinged with hysteria. “There HAVE to be! Each Bandit’s personal elf is here! In charge of their gifts!” “I’ve got my Bandit covered,” pipes up Jo Jo Kittel. “Joanie T’s Christmas even came a bit early. Release of her first independent historical romance THE PATRICIAN. Lots of lovin’ for it too and she’s working hard to get the second one out.” Jo Jo sniffs, “When the big guy delivers all those Kindles and Nooks tonight, there will be compulsion magic in each one to download it. I take care of my girl.” “Well I do too,” Dingy Angel-Pants adds, “Christie’s BEWITCHING THE DUKE has been getting rave reviews and Anna’s Fo Fo Bo Bo gave her Bandit a boost with THE WINTER WIFE. Great Christmas novella. #10 on the Kindle lists.” “Caren’s got a new tree topper.” Craisin tucks a stray orange curl behind her ear. “She’s got her younglings taken care of and we’re firing up for some fantastic writing. It’s all here…in this box of Godiva.” “What’s going on?” Kate’s Twinkie BigBottom skips into the fray carrying a tray of her namesake cakes. Emergarde inches closer. Twinks eyes narrow. “Back off lizard, these are worth $200,000 on the black market.” “Penny says there aren’t enough Bandit presents.” “Well that’s just silly.” Suz’s pal Hottie Chockie pipes. “Have you seen the Bailey’s?” With a wary eye, Craisin hands Hottie the 2 galleon bottle. “Kate’s going gangbusters with her Bibilophile series and my Suzie….man, she took epub by storm with KIDNAPPED, HUNTED and now CLOSE TO HOME. My girl has lots under her hic tree this year.” Penny kicks the iPod sending TransSiberia Orchestra bouncing off the walls. “I’m telling you we’re short some presents.” “It’s not presents you’re short of, mortals.” As one, the elves look up into the rafters. “Hmmm,” murmurs Jo Jo Kittel, “Sangria really rocks that fur lined, tinseled look. “ The Goddess preens. “A situation easily remedied. There are 17 of those rowdy Bandits, are there not? Demetrius…” Sangria gestures to a disgruntled gladiator decked out in icicle lights. “there are enough fairies.” Craisin rolls her eyes “Elves.” THUNDER “Ok, ok…fairies. Sheesh.” Penny’s mouth forms a perfect O as she turns to look at the BB’s “She’s right. We DO have help. What about it BB’s? Can you help us gather the gifts for the Bandits? It’s Christmas Eve and we have 24 hours. Tell us what you would get for each Bandit and if their elf was not mentioned, what would their name be?
One lucky visitor will receive a rooster coffee mug/ saucer and 1/2 lb of Starbuck’s coffee just for helping Santa’s elves! Dig your way out of the wrapping paper tomorrow for a HUGE Christmas Day blow out! THE Christmas giveaway will put a crick in Santa’s bag!
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*peeking head round door* Just wanted to check all was well in the present wrapping department.
(elves shoo me out of the door) Oh well, better get a glass of festive cheer and settle into a cozy chair by the Lair’s fireplace. I know I have a fabulous present under the tree *G*
*eyes rooster* And you’d better behave or you’ll be roasted instead of just pickled this year!
Merry Christmas Eve Anna!! You too have an early present! Anna has sold her first “Hockey Hunks” book!!! Hooray! (throws tinsel in air and on Lucius
Yeah, don’t roast anything that’s pickled….that would be a big kaboom!
Merry Christmas Eve Anna!! You too have an early present! Anna has sold her first “Hockey Hunks” book!!! Hooray! (throws tinsel in air and on Lucius
I swear, I’ve not been in the nog yet! WordPress is messing with my holiday rush!
Anna, I’m sure the hockey hunks can keep the rooster in line. Congrats on snagging him.
And MEGA congrats on your sale! It’s about freaking time!
Wheeeeee! Hockey hunks! Hockey hunks! Best Christmas present of the year!
Chocolate, of course!
Minna, chocolate is always popular in the Lair.
well we have less than an hour before it is Christmas Day…but I will wait til I wake up before I open any presents lol
I think I will give them all a book voucher for their favourite book and choccies
Awww thanks Barb!!!! That’s right! It’s close to Christmas there in Oz. I can speak for all of us in this hemisphere that we were RELIEVED when ya’ll were still there on the 21st
Have a Merry, Merry
Barb, Merry Christmas! Book vouchers and chocolate are always welcome!
What a great post
It is 11-00pm Christmas Eve here in Sydney as I type I have just had Barb and her hubby up for drinks and nibblies while we watched the Carols By Candlight and yes I have had 2 glasses of Moscato very nice by the way and now I have to think LOL
For Christmas pressies for all of the Bandits I would love to give heaps of sales of their books and everyone to be published and chocies of course some nice Lindt ones and yes how about a bottle of Moscato to go with it.
Some Elf names
Tootsie McJingles
Gingerbread Sparkly -Toes
Cookie Angle-Pants
Sqeezy Super-Plum
Evergreen Pickle-Pants
Have a merry Christmas Everyone
Hugs
Have Fun
Helen
The elf names from FB are funny, aren’t they, Helen!
Merry Christmas to you!
Deb
They are really good LOL I would never have been able to do them myself
Merry Christmas
Have Fun
Helen
Squeezy Super Plum?
I LIKE it…LOL
Thank you for your Christmas wishes and the Moscato (hic) and your Chrissy cake (hic) and the chocolate (hic)
Have a wonderful wonderful holiday!
Helen, I like moscato, too.
Those are great elf names!
Wow, outstanding elf names, Helen! Must be something in the moscato … I think I need a swig of that….
Summer Snowflake, Anna’s own personal elf her to assure everyone she’s all set for Christmas day with plenty of oj and champers for all the drinks she needs all day. She will also have her garden blooming just for her enjoyment.
Ah, Summer Snowflake…you are such a diachotomy
Flowers for Christmas…such a strange thought in Kentucky. We have….rain soaked detris…but the Christmas lights are aglow! The kitties snuggled in their caps…Mama nursing the scratches on her ARMS from the hats…
Joan, Rain and fog in southern Indiana too.
Amy, all that sounds great!
I think everyone needs lots of cookies, drinks, chocolates and lots of great book sales!
And calories don’t count on x’mas. 
Thanks May!
You are so right….calories DON’T count….Pass the Godiva Super box
May, I could get on board with all of that.
May,. I am seriously hoping the calories don’t count! Of course, since Craisin got me Godivas, I’ll probably be eating them whether the calories count or not.
I am an avid knitter, so I would make something for everyone – hats, scarves, you name it, I knit it!
My cats need hats….
YOU have to size them though!
Merry Christmas to you Margay, and a Happy, Healthy New Year
Ha! Yeah, I would NEVER try to knit for my own cats – they might get me back in my sleep!
I haven’t tried to knit or crochet since the kittehs…they MIGHT get to t a point where they won’t bat at the yarn…..
Might
Maybe…if you’re lucky!
Margay, my mom was a knitter. She made beautiful things until her arthritis got too bad for it. I’ll bet you produce gorgeous gifts.
Aww, thank you! All I know is my daughters like them!
Yay, hats for everyone! I’m in awe of all you talented knitters. Thanks, Margay!
Kate! Your hat is ready! I had JoJo Kittel get it for you…it’s the one with three points, bells and whistles…LOL…everyone knows when you come in the room
Merry Christmas!
Margay, I adore scarves and I seriously need all the fingerless gloves I can get.
My fingers get icy when I’m writing, for some reason. I like to think it’s because all the blood flows to my brain, but I’m afraid that may not be true…
Merry Christmas!
I like to give all the Bandits
some books and time to read them
and inspiration and time to write more books.
It’s going to be busy today getting things organized and I could use an elf ~ oops fairy.
Tawny needs one perhaps called Blazing Beauty and Beth needs one perhaps called Superlicious.
Sorry I haven’t time to play anymore I know I missed some authors who have not had a named elf but I still have to come up with ideas for some stocking stuffers and my brain needs to work on that problem. Nothing like deciding to do something at the last minute when we walked into the store and saw all the Christmas cookies and chocolates on at half price. Trouble is that not all 25 people want cholates or cookies.
Kaelee, did you claim your prize from last week? Check the booty postings, girl!
Thought I sent you an email., Caren. I will double check.
Kaelee!
Time, what a wonderful gift! I’m trying to find writing time today between putting hats on cats and stemming blood flow to wrapping presents and celebrating with my brother…who is due here any second!
Kaelee, books, time, and inspiration sound wonderful! It’s the time that feels shortest just now, at least for me.
Well, chocolate has already been mentioned as has been lots of book sales. Sven is always available for massages. Wine is never in shortage. Hmmmm, I think I would gift each Bandita basic love, joy, and blessings throughout the next year.
Elf names, haha, nothing funnier that the FB page where you choose from first name and month. My husband’s was Puddin’ Monkey-buns. But, for one of the Banditas, I’ll change that to Iced Cinnamon Buns. Wait, sounds a little too sexy for an elf…..
Deb, LOL! Iced Cinnamon Buns is a great name.
Thanks for the holiday wishes. May you be similarly endowed in the coming year. Merry Christmas!
Oh, snort!! There goes the eggnog, Deb! You lost me on Puddin’ Monkey-Buns!!
Not for a fairy
Yes, peace and love and health and prosperity….for everyone!!!!
Joanie, what a fun post! I had no idea the elves were so busy this year.
I’ll be blogging tomorrow, so I hope they’ll stick around and help the cabana boys out.
Merry Christmas to all….just popped in to send my greeting….too busy until the 26th…the excitement has me bubbling over! Grandkids are due soon and I believe I’m looking forward to it as much as (if not more than) they are.
Grandkids make the holiday, don’t they?
Merry Christmas, Deelyn!
deelyn,
I’m not NEAR as busy as most folk but spent Saturday celebrating with my goddaughter and HER new little girl. Four grown adults hovering over a smiling, laughing baby…Bliss
Ha ha! Love all the elves! A good elf to you all! What fun we’ve had in the lair this year. Oh, no, I”m getting nostalgic. Paolo (and elf!), get me a margarita quickly and please do that shake-shake thing that Kate and I like so much. It always makes us smile – especially when the loin cloth isn’t quite secure! Happy Christmas to all my lovely Bandita sisters and Bandita Buddies – the day has dawned (well, it’s after midnight so perhaps dawned is the wrong word) in Australia. Santa is on his way! xxx
Oh wait, Paolo! I could use a little more of your shaking. That’s it, mm-hmm, just a little more? Pleeeze? Hee hee hee
Kate, did you notice we’re in the naughty girl corner? Do you think that’s accidental? Oh, who cares when Paolo does his shake-shake??!!!
Merry Christmas to you too Anna!!!
Santa actually snuck back here to KY. He’s already been to my house! Brought me a Blu Ray player, beautiful sweater, DVD’s out the wazoo…a new wazoo :0 and giftie cards..
Ooh, lovely, JT. I’ve just unwrapped my presents – lots of chocolate which I’m calling survival supplies. Got revisions hitting me any day now – a bit of chocolate really helps!
Bruschetta, tiramisu, and eggnog. Books and a spa treatment. Best wishes. Much success and happiness.
Ooh, yummy! Thank you, Diane. Best wishes and happy holidays to you, too!
Thanks Diane. Brushetta sounds great. And spa treatments? Sign me up!
Chocolate, cookies and lots of books.
Hmmmm…cookies. I’ve got some type of brownie rounds I bought from a school kid…think I’ll bake me up a batch and look at my ornament free Xmas tree and snuggle with my kitties that is if I don’t zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Definitely a wonderful day filled with happiness and family fun. Treats, goodies and lots of hugs and kisses.
Been a great one for me thus far. Counting your blessings seems especially appropriate for this Christmas.
Jo Jo….a little more Moscato here…..
Strawberries and Champagne!
Separately or together, they make for a
super presentation. Merry Christmas to
all Banditas and BBs, and the Rooster, too!
Angel Silver-Wings
Leila Ever-Glow
Bella Glissande
Flaky Evergreen
Snowy Holiday
As you can tell I’m not really awake enough to
be selecting names for anyone!!!
Pat C.
Merry Christmas, Pat! Those are lovely, elegant elf names. I can picture each of them enjoying strawberries and champagne on Christmas morning.
I like Bella Glissande….it has a certain verve to it….
Hey big boy, Gliss wants to show you her …STOCKING people!
Hic
Brownies, layered cake and fruit tarts. Enjoy the holiday with all.
I think I gained a pound reading this comment. Merry Christmas Anne!
Wonderful post, Joanie! Who knew our elves could be so helpful and industrious? The Lair is a great, mysterious world, isn’t it? I love it here!
Now where is Paolo with my Merry Margarita? I hope Twinkie didn’t waylay him.
What do you get when you cross a Twinkie with a margharita?
A heck of a Ho Ho time…HOSTESS people!
How about a nice vacation with your own personal cabana boy elf that will answer to anything you want to call him and will do anything you will command of him
Will he put hats on my cats?
Hmmmm…..I have the gladiators already….but it has possibiliites
Merry Christmas to All
It is Christmas Day here in Australia and Santa has been whoo hoo although still early I am looking forward to the Grandkids arriving to more pressies and lots of fun
Ho Ho HO
Have Fun
Helen
Hmmm….I could use a couple of ho’s for Christmas
Just sayin…
I would get each one of you a bubble bath and an hour of free time. Merry Christmas!
Oooh, what luxuries people have thought of for Christmas! I hope Craisin takes note, because I could use those.
(knock, knock, knock) Penny?
(knock, knock, knock) Penny?
(knock, knock, knock) Penny?
You silly elf-airy – get your nose off that calculator. When the banditas are together there’s always plenty of gifts because the gift of friendship is the best gift of all. Let’s face it – we have that in abundance.
Merry Christmas to all the banditas and bandita buddies…oh…and to the GR, who just jabbed my foot so I wouldn’t forget him.
Applesauce, with cinnamon, cakes with yummy icing and shortbread cookies. Sounds delightful. Happy holidays, happy new year and a healthy successful new year.
Thank you pearl, and the same to you and yours…
Twinkie?
Merry Christmas to you all …
a great gift for you all would be time with your families!
Lianne,
That is a wonderful gift. I’ve reflected on that, not only the blessing of being with my brother, a good and honorable man, but with my “adopted families who love me and make me feel as if I “belong”.
Sniff…I’m getting all maudlin…JoJo..more Moscato! What?! What?! There isn’t anymore? Kate and Suz’s el-airies took it? Where are those snowballs?!
Coming out of me cave/bedroom,,,dressed in my scrubs with nursing bag in hand…yawning and stretching.
Hottie Chockie! Where’s my hot chocolate!
You know I have to stay up tonight birthing babies and it’s going to be cold, even here in Texas. I sure hope we have rooms and no Wise Men show up…unless of course it’s Gerard Butler, Daniel Craig and Jeremy Renner popping in!
Hottie Chockie!!
SO…MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! May it be a blessed night and day! And may 2013 be a joyous one for all of the Banditas and our buddies!!
Psst…Suz….bring back the Moscato and I’ll back away with the snowball.
What? Oh, ok caramel vodka will do in a pinch
Have a wonderful, calm and beautiful night at the “inn”
I’ll get life size cutouts our favorite actors(Eric Bana, Chris Hemsworth, Richard Armitage, Andy Whitfield and Daniel Craig) so that we can gaze at them when we need a little inspiration.
And touch them Jane..don’t forget touching
Nothing wrong with a little touching/petting, Joan. Merry Christmas.
I held 3 parties this year. Yesterday’s was the last. Thanks goodness I’m done! Merry Christmas everyone!
LilMissMolly
Chuckle they were good ones too. What? Um, I wasn’t invited? Er, well, I….the food was good.
(dashing away, trailing snowballs)
I’m thinking if I keep the drinks flowing no one would even notice that I bear no gifts or could think of no suitable Elf names.
Cheers!!
Did you bring more Moscato?
Merry Christmas (hic)
How about Tim Tams(I recently tried the Double Coat variety!…*DROOL*) for all and I pick up the tab at the pub?
Let’s see, elf names…Legolas…
What? Wrong kind of elves? He is pretty, though…
Ooooo..he is pretty…and so …grrrrr. …sexy with his bow….
Weapon people!!!
Tim Tams, HOW could I have forgotten them? I’ll take one hundred dozen please.
it’s officially December 25th here, today
okay, lots and i mean lots of Chocolate lava cakes and some popcorn to watch some christmas movies ?
Ummmm…popcorn. Had some De Lish movie popcorn just today.
Merry Christmas Mariska!
I got just about everything wrapped by the 23rd, mad a quick run to the grocery this morning & hid a bunch of stuff in the extra bedroom cause company came for Christmas Eve. We decided to just do snacks this year rather than a sit down dinner. That worked out well. It’s snowing here in New Jersey so we’ll have a White Christmas (but hopefully not to much accumulation cause I have to drive in the morning).
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight (I’m tired & have to be up and moving early).
Merry Christmas to you, Diane! We’re expecting a white Dec 26th :0 I’m hoping to get off that day….
Wrapping up the evening myself (pun intended) From all the Bandits, from our Lair to yours have a WONDERFUL Christmas!
We just need to give the Banditas lots and lots of love and always our support.
As for the other elves
Jeanne=Boom Boom Betty
Beth=Fae Littletown
Christina=Phillipa Phaeton
Trish=Tess Trueheart
Cassondra=Dyna Mite
Jo=Apple A. Day
Susan S=Dollar A. Day (twin to Apple A. Day)
Anna S=Puckster Icy
Tawny=Leonia Hotters
Ah, hugs and blessings to all you Banditas! Wishing you a joyful time celebrating with family and friends, and both the inspirations and time to work on them in the coming year for many best-sellers to come!
I think you all need an entire day off and get a massage, manicure, and pedicures.
I finished wrapping right before I was to leave for Christmas Eve dinner.