Posts tagged with: lottery

YOU HAVE WON £1,500,000,000.00

By Kate

*CONGRATULATIONS*

This was the message that greeted me when I opened my email account today. I was so excited! All I have to do to collect my winnings is to call Mr. Mark Williams and give him my name, address, phone, age, sex, occupation, driver’s license and social security number. Once he has all that info, I’m sure Mr. Williams will rush my winnings to me by overnight mail. Right?

Sweet!

By the way, in case you didn’t catch that number the first time, it’s £1,500,000,000.00.

One. Billion. Five. Hundred. Million. Pounds.

That’s over two billion dollars. Just so we’re clear. I’m not sure how Mr. Mark Williams can afford to give me all that money, but I’m more than happy to take it off his hands.

In fact, I have a whole list of things I want to buy, starting with houses in all my favorite places. And I’ll need a private jet, of course, so I can fly there whenever I want without having to take off most of my clothes in the security line at the airport. And of course I’ll give tons of money to charities and organizations that provide food and medicine and animals and housing to people in need. We would all do that, right?
Now that I’ve told everybody I’m going to be immensely wealthy, I suppose I’ll start getting emails and phone calls from everyone I know, asking me to loan them some money to buy a house or pay off a loan or whatever. That’s okay. I’ve decided to be generous. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you. I want everyone to share in my joy!

Maybe I’ll buy a publishing company. And a boat. Hmm. A personal trainer? I’d better make a list. It’s going to be so much fun spending all this money!

So, play along with me. What’s the first FUN thing you’d buy with your big winnings?

One thing you won’t have to buy is a copy of Homicide in Hardcover, because one random commenter will win an autographed copy!