Pies, pies, pies
Posted by Susan Sey Nov 18 2012, 12:21 am
I had a brilliant idea a few weeks back.
Like most brilliant ideas, it seemed incredibly reasonable & imminently do-able. As time was short & I was on the spot, I went ahead and committed to it. Good lord, I committed to it.
And I am now hip-deep in pie.
Let me explain.
(This is where Inigo Montoya from the Princess Bride should jump in: ”No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” I wouldn’t mind a Brute Squad at my disposal, either, but we’ll get to that.)
Okay, so way back in the spring my church did this thing called a harvest of talents. (It stems from a parable about risk and growth but, again, too much. I’ll sum up.) Bottom line? The church handed out $10 bills to each congregant & said, “Come November, we’ll be asking for these back. In the meantime, see about making them grow.”
And we did what people ordinarily do in these situations. We took the money & promptly forgot about it.
Oh we knew we were supposed to do something with our family’s cumulative forty bucks. Make something, build something, create something that we could then sell at the Harvest of Talents festival our church would throw in November. We just…you know….didn’t do it.
Then, about 24 hours before the Harvest of Talents Festival we said, “Oh crap.” Because we still had our forty bucks but we hadn’t done anything worthy with it. We were Bad Church Goers.
This is when I hatched my Brilliant Idea.
“Okay,” I said. ”Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to bake a couple pies and give away samples. If people like it, they can sign up to have me bake & deliver a holiday pie for the low, low price of just $10.”
I was hoping for at least 4 takers. Just enough to satisfy my conscience & allow the church to break even on the $40 they’d invested in the scheme. For the most part, though, I figured people would want to do their own baking. I mean, pies are sacred business to me, as is my whole holiday table. I don’t outsource if I don’t have to.
This–I realize now–was the fault in my logic. Whereas my three sisters & I have been peeling apples & rolling out pie crusts under my mother’s eagle eye since we could be trusted with a paring knife, many people have not. As a result, many people do not care to bake their own holiday pies. And if somebody undercuts Baker’s Square’s price and offers to bring the pie to their doorstep the day before the holiday, these non-bakers will jump all over that action.
Which explain how–less than a week before Thanksgiving–I am baking an extra dozen pies. And driving all over the metro area the night before Thanksgiving leaving them on doorsteps like the Pie Fairy. (I’m doing another 12-14 on Christmas. I can only thank God I belong to a teeny tiny church. Imagine if I’d offered my deal to a congregation of 1,500 instead of 150. Gah.)
However. A dozen pies is still a dozen pies. And in addition to my pie commitment, I am also hosting a Harry Potter themed birthday party for my youngest on Monday night, and am producing Thanksgiving dinner for nine on Thursday. My husband is bound & determined to kick off our holiday shopping on Black Friday (pray for me), and then we’re hosting our annual Festival Of Leftovers Potluck on Saturday. My kids also have all of Thanksgiving week off school. Did I mention that? They do.
Oh that poor girl, you’re thinking to yourselves. I feel just terrible for her! How is she going to survive?
Well, rest assured, I’m thinking that myself. It’s given me a couple bad moments lately, & a few sleepless nights.
Then I remembered the Holiday Wisdom, imparted in humid, fragrant kitchens, mother to daughter, for countless generations in my family:
Holiday Wisdom, part one: When the holiday baking begins–no matter what time of the day or night–you open a bottle of wine. This is a sacred tradition that I have no interest in flouting. There will be wine. Oh yes, there will.
Holiday Wisdom, part two (perhaps related to part one): Watch the birth control. It’s a sketchy time of year.
I believe I mentioned that I’m one of four girls? It might also interest you to know that of the four girls, three were born roughly 9 months from Thanksgiving/Christmas. Listen to the Holiday Wisdom, ladies.
So there you have it. I’m baking twelve extra pies this week, plus twelve to fourteen more just before Christmas, in addition to producing birthday parties, potlucks and the holidays themselves with all their attendant baking, cooking & shopping.
But there will be wine. And there will be well-protected nookie, so I think I’m going to make it after all.
How about you? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever committed to in the name of holiday cheer? Or in the name of charity? How did you survive? Inquiring minds want to know!
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