On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

…one rooster with delusions of grandeur.

Delusions of something, definitely.  Or maybe he’s been just overindulging in the holiday spirit.  (Holidays spirits, judging from the smell of him.)  It’s the only explanation I can come up with for the following exchange, which occurred this morning & which I will now reproduce for you as faithfully as memory allows.

Rooster at RWA National 2008Golden Rooster [slides into the Lair’s kitchen, reeking of rum balls, coxcomb askew under a shiny party hat]:  Bonjour, mes amis, mes amours!  Fear not, I have arrived!

Susan [cautiously moves her pile of just-written Christmas cards to high ground]:  So I see.  You can stop using the plural, though.  It’s just me.

GR:  Just you? [Takes a significant look around the empty kitchen]  And just me? Just us two alone?  Cheri!  You flatter me!

S [sighs]:  No, I don’t.  Seriously.  I’m baking cookies & writing my cards.

GR [ignores her easily]:  Such machinations to get me alone in your lair!  Such lengths to which you go for a private moment!  I confess myself touched.  [Flips open bow tie, swaggers closer, a trifle unsteady on his drumsticks]  Well, perhaps not touched just yet, but if we truly are alone…? [trails off with suggestive brow waggle]

reinventing ourselves rooster bash 08S [straight arms the GR to a halt, leans in for a good sniff]:   Are you drunk?

GR: Mais oui…[Lowers voice to husky whisper]…on your beauty.

S:  Oh for Pete’s sake. [Grabs a cookie from the cooling rack, stuffs it into his beak.]  Give it a break, Lone Free Ranger.

GR [mumbling around cookie]: Ah, cruel mistress, how you wound me!

S: I gave you a gingersnap, didn’t I?

GR:  And it was a sweetly spicy as you, ma petit chou.

S [blinks]:  I’m sorry, did you just call me your little cabbage?

GR:  I did.  [grins foolishly]  You are.

S [palms face, blows out calming breath.  Hands over another cookie.]: Why don’t we soak up some of that alcohol while you tell me what’s got you starting the party so early.

Donna and the Rooster - RWA Conference 2008 - San FranciscoGR [happily munching]: Early?  It’s the First Day of Christmas, my sweet ignorant lass!  And I’m on the job!

S [eyes party hat]:  There’s a job that requires you to be sloshed before noon on a Monday?

GR:  There is, and I have the honor to call it mine.  [Hic.]  I’m pleased to announce that, after an extensive recruitment process, I have been selected as this year’s Lord of Misrule.

S [skeptical]: Lord of what now?

GR:  Misrule. You know, the one the Celts call the Year King?   Perhaps you’ve heard of me as the Minister of Mischief?  The Rooster of Riots?  [Slides wing feather up Susan’s arm]  Some call me the Cock of the Chaos.  Does that suit you?  You like your cocks…chaotic?

S:  Um, no.  I don’t believe I do.

GR [shrugs elegantly]:  As you like, ma petit.  That’s the point, after all.

reinventing ourselves Jeanne with roosterS:  What is?

GR [seductive grin]:  What you like, dearest.  Your pleasure.

S [interested]:  Really?

GR:  Vraiment!  I am charged with facilitating your holiday pleasure, darling.  Everybody’s holiday pleasure, actually.

S [skeptically]:  You got yourself elected Mayor of Party Town?

GR:   The Lord of Misrule, cheri. And, yes, I have been. [Points at an elaborately beribboned badge pinned to his breast.]  Unless you prefer the Cock of Chaos?

S:  Uh, no.  We’ll go with the Lord of Misrule.  What are your job duties precisely?

GR: To upend the humdrum of your pathetic little lives for the twelve glorious days of Christmas.

S: And how precisely do you plan to do that?

GR:  Why, I shall make fools of kings & kings of fools!  I shall supply drink to the men, steal kisses from the women, slip sweets to the children and give bones to the dogs.  [Slides Susan the side eye.]  I give very good bones.  Just so you’re aware.

golden roosterS:  Good to know, thanks. [Takes a moment to get past that one.]  And your price for this…uh…service?

GR:  A song!  A Christmas carol preferably.

S:  Seriously?  You’re going to make people sing?

GR [shrugs]:  I would also accept a trick or a joke.  Any little trifle that keeps the mood merry and the heart light.  Any who fail to bring a smile to my beak shall be tossed ignomiously from the Lair without food or drink, doomed to wander the cold, dark wilderness in the company of the humorless & ill-favored.  Unless, of course, they pay the penalty.

S:  Which is?

GR:  Why, to join my court!  I shall grant them a knighthood and they shall pledge to serve me for as long as the holidays shall last!  [Eyes Susan assessingly.]  You, for example, I would dub Spicy Sugarbottom, & you would see to the demands of my…appetite.

S [quickly]:  I have a joke.

GR:  You do?

S:  If the alternative is being called Spicy Sugarbottom all week & slapping your hands away from my rump?  You bet I do.  It’s even chicken-related, sort of.  Okay, here goes.  Make a fist & hold it out between us.

GR: [sighs but complies]

Pets free stock chickenS:  Now cover your fist with your other hand.  Er, wing.

GR: [rolls his eyes but obeys]

S:  Now say the word “wing” three times in a row.

GR [nonplussed]:  Wing.  Wing.  Wing.

S [takes the GR’s wing off his fist, holds it up to her ear]:  Hello?

GR: [silence]

S:  Oh come on!  That one always brings down the house around our holiday table.

GR [reproachfully]:  You disliked Spicy Sugarbottom so much?

S:  My mother didn’t raise a Bond Girl.

GR [wistfully]: More’s the pity.

 

Seriously, folks, this is what we’re up against this Christmas in the Lair.  So here’s the deal:  Either you sing us a verse of your favorite Christmas song, tell us a joke or recount an amusing story in the comments, or you’ll be joining the court of the Cock of Chaos.  You will, of course, accept without whinging the humiliating nom de party he bestows upon you.  The best song/story/joke (as determined without rhyme or reason by the Golden Rooster) will be rewarded with a bag of CRAPOLA Granola (a Minnesota favorite!) and a Kindle copy of TROUBLE, the Blake Brothers Boxed Set by yours very truly, Susan Sey.

Good luck.

Oh, & for all you Spicy Sugarbottoms out there, here’s a recipe for you:

cookiesAuntie Pat’s Famous Ginger Snaps

Ingredients:

  • ¾ cup butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  • ¼ cup dark molasses
  • 2 cups sifted flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp cloves
  • 1 tsp ginger
  • 1 pkg (8 oz) diced dates (optional)

Instructions:

  • Cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  • Add egg and mix well.
  • Add molasses and mix well.
  • In a separate bowl, combine dry ingredients (except dates, if using.)
  • Gradually add dry ingredients to wet, mixing well after each addition.
  • Stir in dates, if using.
  • Chill 1 hour
  • Shape into 1” balls and bake on ungreased cookies sheets at 375 for 10 minutes.
  • Makes 3 dozen.

Note: If you want big, fat, soft gingersnaps (which I often do), make the balls bigger and underbake them slightly.   You should make sure to have some really good vanilla ice cream on hand, though, because you’re going to want to eat them like chips and salsa.

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Comments

101 Comments

  • Jane says:

    Ooh, I love grabbing a cookie from the cooling rack when it’s still warm and gooey. We’ve never made ginger snaps before. Might have to give that a try. I’m going to sing a verse that’s a favorite from my childhood.

    Christmas time is here
    Happiness and cheer
    Fun for all that children call
    Their favorite time of the year

    Now I need Sven to get me a drink.

    • That’s one of my favorite songs, too, Jane! It’s not Christmas at our house unless we have the Charlie Brown CD playing. 🙂

    • Susan Sey says:

      Good one, Jane! And you were first in line to grab the GR, so you get a cocktail! Sven! Get the lady a drink!

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      Jane I LOVE Charlie Brown Christmas!

      I’m so not a cookie baker. My husband loves cookies and I don’t really. I need to learn for him I think. *hangs head*

    • Hi, Jane–

      Congrats (I think) on snagging the GR. He seems to be worse than usual, so you may have your hands full.

      We were at a holiday gathering during the Panthers game yesterday, but I hear there was a good bit of Cam dance going on.

  • flchen1 says:

    Snork!! Oh, Susan! The humanity! The chicken-anity! 😉

    I’m not much of a joke teller, but I did find an entire page of chicken jokes 🙂 Including these gems:

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

    Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
    A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!

    Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC?
    A: He wanted to see a chicken strip.

    Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
    A: To cockadoodle dooo something!

    Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
    A: She was no spring chicken.

    Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
    A: Fry-day!

    source: http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/chickenjokes.html

    Bok bok!

  • Amy Conley says:

    Well I am in deep trouble, I can’t sing and I can’t remember most jokes for more than 5 minutes after I’ve heard them.

    I do have a funny to our family story to share though. Well my brother, to this day doesn’t think it is funny, but the rest of us do.

    It was 1968 and I was all of 8 years old. I was and still am know as the greatest present finder/unwrapper-rewrapper, sneak there was in our family. I ALWAYS knew what everyone was getting long before Christmas. Even when my children were little and my mother would mail wrapped packages, I would secrectly unwrap them to see what she’d gotten them (hey, I didn’t want to buy the same things she had, would you?) Anyway, one day, probably a month before Christmas I found all the Christmas stash including a bike for my younger brother. Yes, it was purple, but he was 6 and it was a boy’s bike, he is just terribly color blind so the fact it was purple didn’t phase him. I grabbed him (he was 6) and my sister (she was 7) and showed them everything we were getting. Now my 7 year old sister could lie her way out of a paper bag, so if she slipped up and mentioned anything she had seen, she was covered. My poor brother, not so much. So, of course, he slipped and mentioned the bike to our mother. We were BUSTED! Well, not “we” so much as him. She was furious with him for snooping around and as punishment he wasn’t allowed to get his bike until his BIRTHDAY! IN MAY! And she left it right there in the garage, uncovered so he’d see it everyday and be unable to ride it as a reminder to not snoop around. The best part of all? My name was never mentioned and at that time my mother still didn’t know I was, and still am, the big snoop! On Christmas morning, by the time my brothers and sisters were awake, I knew everything Santa had brought for all of us, and I usually told them til they begged me not to, but I would drop HUGE hints, which made them so mad they would finally get me to tell them. When my own children were little I used to unwrap everything my Mother sent for them, just so I didn’t get them the same thing. LOL I think my daughter figured out first what I was doing so she always made sure she helped my hubby hid any and all Christmas gifts which were for me alone. She got to be a pretty good hider too. Drats!

    • Amy Conley says:

      OK somehow the very beginning got cut off. All I was saying was I can’t sing, and I can’t remember a joke 5 minutes after hearing them.

      • Cassondra Murray says:

        Amy I fixed it for you cuz that’s so frustrating for you guys–to comment and have it go wonky. Okay off to read the rest of your post. (Lemme know if I didn’t fix your comment correctly.)

    • Susan Sey says:

      Oh, Amy, I’m laughing out loud! You & my sister Kelly could be twins! She has NO patience, & can’t keep a secret to save her life, so of COURSE she knew all our presents & of COURSE she spoiled the surprises every year. That said, I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut when there were bikes on the line. Your poor brother..
      🙂

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      OMGOSH! (laughing at the same time I feel so bad for your poor brother!) Amy, what made you start unwrapping and rewrapping? Did somebody teach you to do that?

      • Amy Conley says:

        Nobody “taught” me, I just figured it out. Just like I knew how to open all my mother’s mail from my grandmother before she got home and reseal it so she’d never know, and she didn’t. 🙂

        • Cassondra Murray says:

          Okay you’ve gotta teach me to open envelopes without tearing them. I ALWAYS tear them a little. *hangs head*

          • Amy Conley says:

            You have to hold the envelope just right and you have to be careful with the steam, the paper will curl if you get to much steam. And Elmer’s glue covers/hides a multitude of sins.

    • Amy, what a great story! It was great of your brother not to out you, too.

      I could never unwrap and then rewrap successfully, so I never tried it. We mostly ended up buying our parents’ gifts to the boy, so my lack of skill didn’t become an issue, but I certainly understand not wanting duplicates. Especially if Santa is involved.

  • helensibbritt says:

    Oh Susan

    I am laughing my head off LOL the GR is in for some treats and wow those cookies sound awesome I need to try these 🙂 well a joke or a song lets see Jayden has given e a couple of jokes

    Why did the chicken cross the road
    Do get away from the crocodile

    Why did the crocodile cross the road
    To eat the chicken

    A nine year olds jokes

    Or an Australian Christmas carol song

    Six White Boomers
    Early on one Christmas Day a joey kangaroo,
    Was far from home and lost in a great big zoo.
    ‘Mummy, where’s my mummy? They’ve taken her away.’
    We’ll help you find your mummy, son. Hop up on the sleigh.’
    Up beside the bag of toys little joey hopped,
    But they hadn’t gone far when Santa stopped.
    Unharnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why,
    Then he heard a far off booming in the sky.

    Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
    Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
    Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
    On his Australian run.

    Or the youtube version
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlSsffF2xhA

    Have Fun
    Helen

    • Susan Sey says:

      Helen, that’s fantastic! An authentic Australian Christmas carol! I’m going to show my kids the link & see if we can make a new tradition out of it, because how can you pass up a Christmas song with a kangaroo in it??

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      Helen, that’s awesome! What fun to get a Christmas carol from Australia! I’d never heard that before.

    • Jeanne Adams says:

      Boomers. That’s BOOMERS, Jeanne, not BLOOMERS.

      SNORK! I so read that as bloomers with an L in it. Which made it REALLY funny. And I haven’t had one drop of eggnog. (Yet)

    • Helen, I love this! How cool that carol is, and it has fabulous imagery, too. And the chicken jokes with an Australian spin are great.

  • Minna says:

    Walking In The Air (from: The Snowman):

  • What the heck?

    Here the GR is all hyped up on ginger snaps and some recipe that calls for “big balls – underbaked” and catches me decorating the tree singing …

    I don’t want a lot for Christmas
    There is just one thing I need
    I don’t care about the presents
    Underneath the Christmas tree
    I just want you for my own
    More than you could ever know
    Make my wish come true oh
    All I want for Christmas is you

    And the sloshed bird hops on my shoulder slobbering rooster pecks all over me mumbling something about chaotic cocks and misrule rules.

    Now I’m worried about hanging those big Christmas balls on the tree. What will that bird do next??

  • Laney4 says:

    Grandma got run over by a reindeer
    Walking home from our house Christmas eve
    You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

    Thank goodness this song is about reindeer and not roosters, LOL!

    Thanks, as always, for the laughs, but also for the ginger snap recipe! Much as I’m known as the baker around these parts, I have never tried making them. Perhaps this is the year!

    • Susan Sey says:

      They are foolproof & delicious! Enjoy them! And thanks for sharing that classic carol. It’s a perennial favorite around here, not that my mother is a big fan now that SHE’S a grandma…
      🙂

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      Haha! Laney I wondered if somebody would post that one. And we COULD sub in “rooster” for reindeer. Hmmm…..

  • One of my favorite Christmas songs is one done in three-part harmony:

    What child is this, who, laid to rest,
    On Mary’s lap is sleeping?
    Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
    While shepherds watch are keeping?

    This, this is Christ the King,
    Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
    Haste, haste to bring Him laud,
    The babe, the son of Mary.

  • Jo Robertson says:

    Delightful post, Susan. You certainly know how to capture the Rooster’s, uh, naughtiness, his most prominent feature.

    One of my favorite songs by Wayne Watson — Child of Bethlehem:

    Still quiet night in Bethlehem
    Earth sleeps and few take thought of Him
    But the Heavens rejoice
    And the angels sing
    The child of Bethlehem is the King of kings

    Wise men worship at His feet
    And lost souls awaken from their sleep
    And the Heavens rejoice
    And the angels sing
    The child. of Bethlehem is the King of kings.

  • Susan, OMG, how funny! I can see the next 12 days are going to be, er, interesting around here!

    I seriously cannot sing, so to spare you all, I hope I can get away with talk-singing, a la Burton in Camelot, the following:

    It came upon a midnight clear,
    That glorious song of old,
    From angels bending near the Earth
    To touch their harps of gold.
    Look now, for glad and golden hours
    Come swiftly on the wing.
    Oh, rest beside the weary road
    And hear the angels sing.

    The angel carols are my favorites, but I also like “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” and “We Three Kings” and “Silent Night.” And “Jingle Bells” and “Silver Bells.”

    I also have a joke.

    Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Doctor.
    Doctor Who?

    Heard it at DragonCon, which you probably guessed.

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      Nancy, Silver Bells has always been my mom’s favorite. When I was a little girl and she’d sing it around the house, I always wondered about it because we lived on a farm outside a very small town, and I’d never been to a big city and didn’t know the “feel” of the bustle, if that makes sense?
      Anyway, now I love it too.

    • Jeanne Adams says:

      I’ve always loved that one, Nancy. Something about the “angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold” bit just does it for me. :>

    • Jeanne and Cassondra, I still have a vinyl album of assorted artists singing various Christmas songs, and “Silver Bells” is on there. I used to listen to it every Christmas. Now the album is so dusty that I’m reluctant to play it because I don’t have a disc cleaner–my old one from my radio station days disintegrated–and I don’t want the needle to drive dust into the grooves. That’ll ruin it for sure!

    • Shannon says:

      Somewhere I have a parody to the tune of Silver Bells in the office. I actually got someone to sing it last year.

  • Mary M. says:

    Love the cookies, GR and all the posts so far. I will offer up a favorite Christmas joke of my daughter’s.
    What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
    Claustrophobia!

  • Colleen C. says:

    So entertaining!!! 😀 Happy Holidays all! One song I love but do not hear that often is Good King Wenceslas…
    Good King Wenceslas looked out
    On the Feast of Stephen
    When the snow lay ’round about
    Deep and crisp and even

    • Cassondra Murray says:

      Colleen, my earliest memories of singing that song are from third grade. We made the ugliest Christmas hats in the world out of bleach jugs (they were tall like the hats worn by Buckingham Palace guards) with construction paper holly stapled to the front. Then we all stood on risers and did a horrible Christmas program for parents to endure.
      But I’ve never forgotten the song!

    • Jeanne Adams says:

      Oh, Colleen, that is one of my favorites! Love the bit in the third or fourth verse where the stanza says: Mark my footsteps, good my page, now tread you in them boldly. Thou shalt find the winter’s rage freeze thy blood less coldly.
      So evocative. :>

    • Colleen, I like that one, too. We used to buy Christmas picture books when the boy was small, and he had a lovely one about Good King Wenceslas.

    • Colleen, I’ve been know to break out in Good King Wenceslas at work in July in Texas! 🙂 Love that one!

  • Jeanne Adams says:

    Susan, I’m so sorry you were treated to that amazing amount of sheer alcoholic fervor, but still…snork…I’m sure it was…snork…Um…

    SNORK! Okay, I can’t help it. Considering the Cock of Chaos has me all in a pother and snorking like an idiot. I must say though, that if anyone can be a proper Lord of Misrule, it’s that damn Golden Rooster! Ha!

    Okay, so jokes. This one isn’t Christmas-y, but it’s MisRule-like: If you’re American going into the bathroom and American coming out, what are you while you’re IN the bathroom?
    Answer: Either Russian or European

    As to Carols, other than the “run over by the reindeer” one, and a couple of other minor ones, I’ve never met a carol I didn’t love. Some of my favorites are O Come, O Come Emmanuel, which I can sing in either Latin or English, and the Pentatonix version of Mary Did You Know.

    But one of my all time favs is I Heard The Bells, This was actually written as a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It seems so appropriate for the world, these days. The first verse is sweet.

    I Heard the bells on Christmas Day, their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet their songs repeat, of Peace on Earth, good will to men.

    But my favorite verse are the last two verses:

    In despair I bowed my head, “There is no Peace on Earth,” I said. “For hate is strong and mocks the song of Peace on Earth, good will to men.”

    Then pealed the bells, more loud and deep, “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men.”

    Here’s a fabulous version of it, from a group called Casting Crowns:

  • Cassondra Murray says:

    Good Lord Susan, we’re in for it this year aren’t we?

    As to tossing me out of the Lair…he can TRY. *raises eyebrow at the rooster* But I’ll be nice and play along.

    Lessee…
    My favorite Christmas songs vary widely, and they change from year to year. Lately I’ve been more into jazz and less into the religious songs. I love love love LOVE the James Taylor/Natalie Cole version of Baby It’s Cold Outside But I have a Rod Stewart Christmas CD with We Three Kings that includes bagpipes, and I can’t sit in my seat when that comes on. I have to stand up because there’s so much power and energy in it.
    BUT..since we’re all about the romance, I’ll sing this one. I just love that she’s trying to leave and he’s trying to keep her there. Y’all can imagine I sound like Natalie Cole and James Taylor is singing with me..

    I really can’t stay ( Baby it’s cold outside)
    I’ve got to go away (Oh darlin’ it’s cold outside)
    This evening has been (Just hopin’ that you’d drop in)
    So very nice – (I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice)

    My mother will start to worry (Beautiful, what’s your hurry?)
    Father will be pacing the floor (Just listen to that fireplace roar)
    So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
    Well, Maybe just a half a drink more ( Put some records on while I pour)

    The neighbors will think (Baby, it’s bad out there)
    Say, what’s in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)
    I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
    To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

    I ought to say no, no, no (Mind if I move in closer?)
    At least I’m gonna say that I tried (What’s the sense in hurting my pride?)
    I really can’t stay (Baby don’t hold out)
    Ah, but it’s cold outside

    I simply must go, (Baby, it’s cold outside)
    Oh, the answer is no(oh darlin’, it’s cold outside)
    This welcome has been (lucky that you dropped in)
    So nice and warm (look out that window at that storm)

    My sister will be suspicious (please but your lips look so delicious)
    My brother will be there at the door (waves upon a tropical shore)
    (My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious) oh but your lips look delicious
    Well, maybe just a half a drink more
    (There was never such a blizzard before)

    I’ve got to get home (Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there)
    Say, lend me your coat (It’s up to your knees out there)
    You’ve really been grand (Thrill when you touch my hand)
    Why don’t you see ( How can you do this thing to me?)

    There’s bound to be talk tomorrow ( Think of my life long sorrow)
    At least there will be plenty implied )(If you caught pneumonia and died)
    I really can’t stay (Get over that hold out)
    Ah, but it’s cold outside
    Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
    Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

    Songwriters: WILDHORN, FRANK
    Published by
    Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

  • Amary says:

    Sounds like a lively party

  • Caren Crane says:

    King of Misrule? Cock of Chaos? More like King of the Bean! Susan, you were smart to move your Christmas cards. He blew through the library yesterday and there were feathers stuck to my stamps and address labels! I do have an amusing Christmas tradition to share, to appease the beast.

    My best friends and I get our families together before Christmas to eat, laugh and play Gloom. It’s a morbid card game where you win by scoring points against opposing teams by making their game family happy. Our spin on it is that all the good (and the lovely bad) things that happen to the various family members must relate to Christmas. Falls from ladders while decorating, choking on rum balls, being impaled on the branches of the Christmas tree…that sort of thing. It’s a great time!

    Jeanne would adore it. 😀

  • Shannon says:

    Love it. I wish I could remember the punch line in a novel I’m reading, but it was who did the murder most ‘fowl’.

    One my my favorite schmaltzy favorite Christmas carols is The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. It’s a waltz, and after a few Ben and Jerry’s my father would waltz with me. (His story was that I always tried to lead. I deny it, cough.)

    There’ll be parties for hosting
    Marshmallows for toasting
    And caroling out in the snow
    There’ll be scary ghost stories
    And tales of the glories of the
    Christmases long, long ago

    I just want to know other than Charles Dickens who actually tells ghost stories at Christmas?

  • Good Lord, that GR is one sloppy, happy drunk, isn’t he? Who on earth thought it would be a good idea to get him snockered? And then to add sugar to the mix?

    Lets face it. The Golden Rooster is the Lord of Misrule EVERY SINGLE DAY !!

    I am loving all of these jokes and songs !!

    Of course I love good Christmas music.

    Carol of the Bells

    O Holy Night

    Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion from Handel’s Messiah.

    Sweet Little Jesus Child

    I wonder as I wander

    My newest favorite is this one.

    December Prayer

    In the touch of a friend, in the breath of a child,
    In the eyes of a soldier coming home to his mother’s grateful smile,
    In the sight of falling snow, and the memories it brings,
    In the season when you find some peace, in the simple tender things,
    Open your heart and look around, listen listen

    Hear the song within the silence,
    See the beauty when there’s nothing there,
    Sing a song within a silence that hope and love are everywhere,
    And when the quiet night is falling watch an angel dancing in the air
    To the song, the song within the silence a December Prayer,
    A December Prayer.

    In the strength of your hand as it holds unto mine,
    And the promise that we’re not alone in this place and time,
    In the gifts that you give I am humbled and amazed
    Far beyond this day and time of year
    We are in a state of grace.
    Open your heart and look around, listen listen

    Hear the song within the silence,
    See the beauty when there’s nothing there,
    Sing a song within a silence that hope and love are everywhere,
    And when the quiet night is falling watch an angel dancing in the air
    To the song, the song within the silence a December Prayer,
    A December Prayer

    Listen listen

    Hear the song within the silence,
    See the beauty when there’s nothing there,
    Sing a song within a silence that hope and love are everywhere,
    And when the quiet night is falling watch an angel dancing in the air
    To the song, the song within the silence a December Prayer,
    A December Prayer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg2Efx3WijI

    I hope this link works. It is truly a lovely, lovely song.

  • Joan Kayse says:

    Whew….just made it!

    GR, oh, dear GR….

    You never change.

    I’ve loads of cookie recipes and love ginger snaps.

    As to songs, I love most of them….right now I’m loving “Mary Did You Know” and this kind of “out of the box” one Elf’s Lament by Barenaked Ladies 😀 Enjoy!

  • Deb says:

    Thank you for the cookie recipe, Susan. I didn’t used to like gingersnaps until just a few years ago. I went to a cookie walk on Saturday and some of the cookies were gingerbread man shapes turned upside down and frosted and decorated to look like Rudolph. Others were upside down hearts and decorated like Santa’s face. Clever!!

    Let’s see, how can I choose just one Christmas hymn? , It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (sung by Andy Williams),Silent Night, O Holy Night, and Joy to the World are at the very top of the list.

    So maybe the last verse of JTTWorld:
    He rules the world with truth and grace,
    And makes the nations prove
    The glories of His righteousness.
    And wonders of His love,
    And wonders of His love,
    And wonders, wonders of His love.

    On a side note, I went caroling on Saturday night for our little town’s Christmas celebration, and in Dickensenian costume, cape and hat. I couldn’t carry a muff because I had to hold the music for the guitar player. There were only 6 of us, but we were pretty good! 🙂

  • Deb says:

    Oh, I forgot. I have a math puzzle sheet that the kids have to solve to find the answer.
    Q. What is Tarzan’s favorite Christmas song?
    A. Jungle Bells!

  • Pissenlit says:

    Heh heh, love that GR!

    And omigosh, all the jokes! I nearly snorted my tea!

    I don’t have a favourite Christmas song because I love oh so very many of them so, I’ll just go with the first one off the top of my head!

    I saw three ships come sailing in on Christmas day, on Christmas day. I saw three ships come sailing in on Christmas day in the morning!

  • Sally Schmidt says:

    Late catching up emails here. Really enjoying this post and all the comments. Not much of a joke teller myself but loving these.

    We first heard the song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” right after my mother had come to live with us. Husband and then 8-year old son thought it was hilarious, sang over and over (and over . . . ) – Grandma usually and a pretty good sense of humor but did not think this was funny. Which, of course, made them sing it more.

    We also love John Denver & the Muppets Christmas Album. especially “piggy pudding???!!” and The Twelve Days of Christmas.

  • Laurie G says:

    ASPEN GLOW – John Denver
    See the sunlight through the pine
    Taste the warm of winter wine
    Dream of softly falling snow
    Winter snow Aspen glow

    As the winter days unfold
    Hearts grow warmer with the cold
    Peace of mind is all you know
    Winter snow Aspen glow

    Aspen is a life to live
    See how much there is to give
    See how strongly you believe
    See how much you may receive

    Smiling faces all around
    Laughter is the only sound
    Memories that can’t grow old
    Winter snow Aspen glow

    Aspen is a life to live
    See how much there is to give
    See how strongly you believe
    See how much you may receive

    See the sunlight through the pine
    Taste the warm of winter wine
    Dream of softly falling snow
    Winter snow Aspen glow

    Christmas In The Caribbean- Jimmy Buffet

    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Snowbirds fill the air
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Lots of presents everywhere
    We don’t live in a hurry
    Send away for mistletoe
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Got everything but snow

    Lights are blowing in the palm trees
    Stockings hanging from the mast
    Santa riding on a dolphin
    Don’t you want to make it, don’t you want to make it last?

    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Snowbirds fill the air
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Lots of presents everywhere
    We don’t live in a hurry
    Send away for mistletoe
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Got everything but snow
    Snow?

    Suntanned children sleeping
    Hoping Santa will come true
    Christmas morning Marlin leaping
    Oh it’s papa’s birthday, mister Buffet’s birthday too

    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Snowbirds fill the air
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Good feelings everywhere
    We don’t live in a hurry
    Send away for mistletoe
    It’s Christmas in the Caribbean
    Got everything but snow

    Christmas in the Caribbean

    MUST BE SANTA – Raffi

    Who’s got a beard that’s long and white?
    Santa’s got a beard that’s long and white
    Who comes around on a special night?
    Santa comes around on a special night
    Special night, beard that’s white
    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    Who’s got boots and a suit of red?
    Santa’s got boots and a suit of red
    Who wears a long cap on his head?
    Santa wears a long cap on his head

    Cap on head, suit that’s red
    Special night, beard that’s white
    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    Who’s got a big red cherry nose?
    Santa’s got a big red cherry nose
    Who laughs this way, “ho, ho, ho!”?
    Santa laughs this way, “ho, ho, ho!”

    Ho, ho, ho, cherry nose
    Cap on head, suit that’s red
    Special night, beard that’s white
    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    Who very soon will come our way?
    Santa very soon will come our way
    Eight little reindeer pull his sleigh
    Eight little reindeer pull his sleigh

    Reindeer sleigh, come our way
    Ho, ho, ho, cherry nose
    Cap on head, suit that’s red
    Special night, beard that’s white
    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    Must be Santa, must be Santa
    Must be Santa, Santa Claus

    This last one is for the Yuppers in Upper Michigan

    It’s better when you listen to it!

    30 Point Buck, by Bananas At Large

    lemmie tell ya dat
    and you know it’s not so much the heat as it is the gosh darn humidity
    you know dat

    you know when you sit there in the bed and you’re just sweaty you know and you go to reach for the water on the nightstand and ya slide right out of bed, and the wife says
    “stop making so much noise you’re waking me up, go to sleep”

    well lemmie tell ya
    times like that make me feel like movin up north ya know
    good idea
    yeah i’d do it too

    course then i couldn’t watch the Packers ya know, the Packers are
    gosh i like the Packers, i’d do anything for the Packers
    who can forget Vince Lombardi ya know, back in the glory years, not me boy
    ya know

    yeah well anyhow
    gettin to be that time of year eh?

    yeah i’m a deer hunter how do you do

    i got this deer huntin rappin tale for you
    i’m so excited, it’s my favorite time of year
    i love to freeze my buns chasin trophy deer
    but don’t clap your hands to the stompin of the feet
    cause ya he’s like me he can’t keep a steady beat no

    i got this great big knife cause the hunting is my life
    it’s my chance to drink beer and get away from the wife
    it’s the boys night out acting stupidly

    say now baby baby don’t you think maybe how bout you and me yeah
    well we partied all night never made it to our bunks and
    i was sittin in the tree stand on the tree dead drunk
    windmill blowin 45, temp thirty below, i was freezin to death, then it started to snow
    so i got down from the tree stand start headin for the truck
    and thats when i seen it there, the turdy point buck
    the turdy point buck?
    turdy point buck (5x)

    well he was eight foot tall, weighed twelve thousand pounds, with every step there was a shakin’ on the ground
    he was so rutiful so beautiful
    strutted right out of my dreams, he was created by God just for outdoor magazines
    now i’m not much for thinkin, no i don’t do it often
    but i had an idea
    to put that turdy pointer in his coffin

    turdy point buck
    hh
    turdy point buck

    i couldn’t get to my grenades
    the howitzer was in the shop
    my stomache was tied into a monkey knot
    ya my only hope was betty lou
    she was da one
    a combination AK-57 uzzie radar lasar triple barrel double scoped heat-seakin shotgun

    turdy point buck
    hh
    turdy point buck
    turdy point buck

    ya dat the women clappin’ the the back dere i gotta make dat

    well he was comin for me gettin bigger and bigger but my fingers were so frozen i could not pull the trigger
    i kicked off my boots fired with my big toe
    i was Dirty Harry, John Wayne, and G.I. Joe

    ya dat turday point buck was only 10 feet away
    ya still i couldn’t seem to hit him and he wouldn’t run away
    and after 20 minutes when the smoke cleared
    there were hunters on the ground and the world’s biggest deer
    standing tall and proud, he looked at me and yawned (ohhhhhhh dear)
    and then a flash of white, and there he was, gone

    [cryin and burpin]

    well seven men got up and then one fell down
    a big lump of blaze orange, shakin on the ground
    at first i thought he was one of the boys
    but it was a no brother good in law man from illinois

    only cheese-heads in here, right boys?
    send him back on the next plane ya know

    Did ya see the turdy pointer?
    Did ya see the turdy pointer?
    Did ya see the turdy pointer?
    Did ya see the turdy pointer?

    as we jumped into da truck
    sayin i’m gonna get that turdy point buck
    yeah i’m gonna get that turdy point buck

    hhh
    turdy point buck (5x)